


Hello Dolly

by TheStrange_One



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Explosions, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Project Dolly, experiment Peter Parker, threatening Deadpool
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 08:02:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29730843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheStrange_One/pseuds/TheStrange_One
Summary: Deadpool has gone insane. But not as crazy as an outsider would think he is.
Relationships: Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Comments: 12
Kudos: 49





	Hello Dolly

**Author's Note:**

> My sweet, lovely readers. This is not my usual fare. There is no cuddling in this; it is not soft. I'm having a bit of a hard time and while sometimes that translates into sweet fics, sometimes I get right bloody minded (meant in the most literal way possible). This is not a happy fic. There is no happy ending. Read at your own risk.

The alarms wailed as the lights flashed. The room rocked as another explosion occurred. “Where are my containment units?” demanded Fury as he made his way, one rocky step at a time, towards the main controls.

“They were the first things destroyed!” one of his crew shouted over the sirens.

“Okay,” Fury said to himself, too softly to be heard by the people around him. “New plan.” He turned to one of the scientists still there. “How’s Project Dolly coming along?”

The scientist he was talking to grimaced. “Poorly,” she shouted back over the sirens. “Every time we reach stage twenty-three, the mutation spirals out of control.”

“He’s on deck!” screamed his second in command.

He looked at the short woman and saw her pulling her gun and aiming it at the open doorway. He could have told her that she was wasting her effort. Guns were only useful if the enemy could be killed.

Aside from the alarms, there was no sound on the deck. The doorway remained empty. None of them relaxed. They knew, they all knew, that their opponent was unpredictable.

Some had dismissed the mutant as a clown, a joker, as someone who didn’t need to be taken seriously. Fury had not. He’d made extensive plans in order to protect them in case he went rogue.

Plans that were absolutely _useless_.

A strangled yelp was the only warning that Fury had before the scientist was yanked away from Fury’s side. He whirled just in time to see the red clad man holding the scientist up by the neck. “Where?” demanded “WHERE IS HE?”

Fury gestured to an officer and the siren was cut. “Who are you looking for, Deadpool?” he asked as calmly as he could. Internally his heart was pounding. The only thing he could think of, the only reason for Deadpool to go off the rails like this would have to be Project Dolly. But how would the insane man have learned of it?

“Don’t fuck with me, Cyclops,” growled the man, the former mercenary, the most dangerous person that Fury had ever known.

Other dangers had the ability to be reasoned with. Other dangers, that could not be reasoned with, had the ability to be taken down. There was a reason the Avengers Initiative had been created, after all.

Deadpool was a law to himself. There had only been one person who could reign him in, and he wasn’t there. Not for the first time, Fury cursed himself for not initiating Project Dolly sooner. Perhaps they could have avoided this whole mess.

A gun appeared in the man’s hand, pressed to the side of the scientist’s head. “Where. Is. He.”

“Let the woman go, Deadpool,” ordered Fury’s second.

“Everyone needs to calm down,” Fury said as he made a gesture. To the uninitiated he was telling her to lower her weapon. To their code, he was telling her to pick her shot. They couldn't afford to lose their scientist, after all. Not unless they wanted to be at this man’s mercy for an eternity.

“She tells me what I want to know, she gets to go,” Deadpool said. “And you and your henchman, girl, whatevs, can just fuck right off. I’m not here for _you_.”

Hill lined up her shot and took it. The bullet, specially created for alien menaces, tore right through Deadpool’s torso. For a moment Fury felt like cheering. Then, faster than Fury had ever seen it happen before, the hole sealed itself up.

Deadpool’s gun lined up his own shot, taking out Hill’s shoulder.

Fury let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. Deadpool was still making no-kill shots. It was still possible to get through this with everyone, if not the base, intact.

“Where were we?” demanded the madman as he pressed the gun, the tip still hot, against the scientist’s chin. Fury could hear the sizzle of her flesh and whimpers as the heat bit into her. “Where. Is. Peter. Parker.”

“Peter Parker is dead,” Fury calmly announced. Did Deadpool know about Project Dolly, or had his mind broken again? The problem was that it was impossible to really tell. “There was a suit malfunction during an aerial battle and he—”

Deadpool interrupted with a growl. “I was fucking there! I know what happened! The same way,” he added and a smothered cry from the scientist warned Fury that the madman was pressing the gun even harder into her chin, “that I know you took his body and are playing Frankenstein! WHERE IS HE?”

Suddenly Deadpool seemed to calm down and began acting chipper. None of Fury’s men trusted it. Fury didn’t either. “I’m sorry,” he said as he let the scientist down, “you can’t talk like that, right? And I’m sure you _want_ to talk, don’t you? No, no. Don’t look over at _him_. _He_ can’t help you right now. And I’m sure you want to help, right?”

The scientist’s eyes went wide. “You can’t,” Deadpool moved and she closed her eyes and whimpered again.

“Can’t what?” asked Deadpool with sickening sweetness.

The scientist swallowed. “You can’t move him. The cells—they aren’t stable—”

“You just let me worry about that,” Deadpool said, still sweet. “Where is he?”

Another swallow. The eyes met Fury’s for a brief moment, and he nodded. There was no way they were getting out of this with the lab intact, and since Deadpool had apparently found out about Project Dolly, they’d be lucky if _all_ they lost was the lab. He didn’t want to lose any personnel. “I can—I can show you,” the woman offered.

“Good. No funny business now,” Deadpool caroled. “Or I’ll make what just happened look like polite knocking.” He followed the woman as she led him to the lab. Fury followed the two of them as well, giving the signal for evacuation. Just in case.

The walk to the lab was uncharacteristically silent. Deadpool said nothing. The woman didn’t either. Fury, as usual, held his own counsel—and his counsel was very frightened. There was not much that could silence Deadpool. Trying—or succeeding—usually held grave consequences for those around him.

The door to the lab opened and Fury tried to see the lab as Deadpool, someone who had never seen it before, would. In the center of the lab was the gel-tank, where the newest clone, C457 according to the taped label on the front, was floating in the green gel. The face of the young clone in the tank, almost full grown, was that of Peter Parker. The body—not so much. There were odd tufts of fur at the joints and the skin had an odd dullness to it. The torso was longer than it should have been, and there were four raised bumps under the floating arms.

“The mutation went out of control. His skin is basically chitin, and he appears to be growing extra arms,” the scientist explained.

“Yeah,” said Deadpool softly. He went to the tank and gently ran a thumb over the glass where the clone’s face was. “I remember that episode.”

The woman opened her mouth and Fury shook his head before jerking it towards the door. She needed to evacuate. He had no idea how stable Deadpool was.

“Spider-Man is a very valuable hero,” Fury said as he tried to make his way to the emergency suppressor unit. If they could stop Deadpool in his tracks long enough, they might even be able to get a suppression collar on the mutant.

Deadpool laughed. The laugh was manic, broken. It was not the laugh of a sane man.

Not that anyone had ever accused Deadpool of being sane.

“You have no _idea_ ,” spat Deadpool. “Get him out.”

“Breaching the environment will ensure the clone’s destruction,” Fury said.

Deadpool ignored him and, using the butt of one of his guns, smashed the glass. His arms caught the clone in a gentle embrace that would have shocked anyone who’d never seen the two together.

Fury mentally cursed. They all knew how Deadpool felt about cloning, but he’d hoped they’d be able to reason with him once they had a viable clone. “He left a lot of good work unfinished,” Fury continued as the clone coughed and choked to consciousness.

The clone looked around and then gripped the front of Deadpool’s suit with his hands. “Wa—ade,” he gasped.

They all did it. As soon as they had any vocal faculties at all they asked for Deadpool. Fury wasn’t entirely certain why; there was no reason a clone should have the memories of the original.

Deadpool crooned and gently smoothed the wet hair back, flicking out large chunks of gel. “Don’t worry, Baby Boy,” he said. “I won’t let them hurt you any more.”

Fury didn’t have time to do more than turn before the explosion—bigger than any previous one—went off.

Death’s realm was always peaceful, but this was the first time that Wade had ever seen Peter peaceful in it. He looked calm, relaxed, wearing his favorite hoodie and jeans, Much better shape than the last time Wade had seen Peter there.

It had taken Wade far too long to figure out what was going on. To figure out why Petey was always in pain, when no one else, not even Wade, was. He reached out towards the ghost—and was met with the same resistance he always was.

Peter shrugged. “I feel like I _should_ be mad,” he confessed. “You just killed a lot of people. But—”

“But,” Wade finished the sentence, “you actually feel okay for the first time in a long time.”

Peter chuckled and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah,” he admitted. “Is that weird? I feel like it’s weird.”

“No,” said Wade warmly, smiling. This would be the last time he saw Peter, he knew. The depths of the afterlife were not for him. Not anymore. “Goodbye, Peter,” he said, his heart breaking.

Not the way he’d broken after Vanessa died. No, he’d already gone through that phase. It was how he’d learned that Peter’s soul couldn't rest because it kept getting pulled back into living world. Only to die horribly.

Again. And again. And again.

Wade couldn't have left his Baby Boy to go through that. He knew, better than anyone, how much it sucked. And now, finally, Peter was in the peace he deserved.

Peter smiled. “Bye, Wade. Don’t forget me!” he called as he vanished into the depths of the afterlife, the last tie to the mortal realm broken beyond repair.

Wade woke up in the remains of the SHIELD laboratory. “Never,” he said, tears running down his cheeks.


End file.
